The Bad The Worse and The Ugly

Dating is not a pretty matter. Well at least it hasn’t been on many occasions for me. I thought a nice little recap of my experience thus far was long over due.

Let’s start in High School.

This gal has always been open to all kinds of people. It is what I love. I try to give everyone a chance (that is after judging them immediately of course) and here’s where it has left me.

Picture it. High school sophomore year. I visit my friends mom at work. The next day she tells me that one of her co-workers saw me, and asked for me. “He would die to go out with you”. She said. Hmm, well hadn’t been out on a date in a long time and I certainly did not want the situation to become deadly. “Why not”? I thought.

The Redneck (yes his neck was red)

He met me at a coffee house downtown (before I was permitted to drink legally). He pulled up in a red pick up truck, with a confederate hanging from the back. After a nice conversation he told me about his pets, a few sheep, some cows, some horses, and goat. This girl from NY said those are not pets, that my friend is a farm. Old McDonald had fewer animals than this guy. He was very nice, I would have maybe been able to look past his missing teeth and balding at 20 but…..I pray every day that the south will not rise again and animals stay in zoos or in the wild where they belong. Luckily enough I got out of that one.

The Bosnian

A very attractive guy that I met out at the bar in my college/home town. He was sweet, made Turkish coffee for me, and looked like Jude Law. Yum. Valentines day my new friend picked me up and presented me with a rose, a beautiful start to an evening that changed abruptly. He the entire way to his house told me a story about a girl from my college who he was in love with. A girl that he had met and she rejected him. It happens to the best of us, I thought. Then he told me who she was. She turned out to be a good friend of mine with whom I studied in Italy. She was possibly one of the sweetest girls I had ever met. I may be a good person, but she is a great person. This is where it started to go down hill. We went back to his house, where he presented me with a box. I opened the red, Wal-Mart, jewelry box to a gold, heart shaped necklace. I have never once in my life owned a gold item of jewelry. Well by choice. So here, my new beau after talking insistently about a friend of mine whom he loved gave me one of the ugliest forms of affection I have ever received. He had single handedly ruined two of my favorite things, flowers and jewelry…..I was at any moment expecting a box of chocolate covered insects. So I said goodbye to Turkish coffee and Bosnian actor look a likes and took myself home.

The Compulsive Liar

Now I was going to just do bad dates but I couldn’t resist this one (and I saw the Bosnian for more than one date so now multi-dates or relationships (ick) are included). Now we get to one of the worst.

Facts:

Attractive – Ethnic – Hispanicy - Male

From New York

Previously married

Moved from Hawaii

Masters in International Business

In a Jazz band

Surfer

True Facts:

Male


The Loser

So. Even though I get asked out quite a bit, everywhere and anywhere, I decided to give internet dating a whirl. This last one and the most recent date was a product of this endeavor.

Picture/Profile
Attractive
Creative
Older aka 30’s
Man

After a few phone calls back and forth I was on my way back from traveling back from PA and he called again. I had just gotten off the bus from a very long, fabulous, and crazy weekend. Yes I did say PA.

“Why don’t you stop by for a drink on your way home?” He asked.
“Well I look horrible”. I said.
“I have just been on a bus for 2 hours and I have been traveling all day”.
“Just stop by a coffee shop to freshen up”. He replied.
“The correct answer is, you always look gorgeous”. I informed him.
“Are you hungry”? He asked.
“No I ate before leaving PA”. I said.
“Good, cause I’m stuff”. He said. –I interpreted this as…….I am cheap and will not pay for dinner.

I arrive. I did not look that bad. I was wearing a black fitted skirt, a white collared shirt, a black vest and high heels.

“Is that what you wear traveling”. He asked in a non complimentary way.

“Yes”. I replied.

“Well, you’ll change your shoes when we go for walks, right?” He asked. I should have known then.

I looked him over. He looked about 10 years older than his picture. He was short, poorly dressed, lived in great building but….wait what’s this???? He was completely bald in the back. If that wasn't enough here are just a few more of the lovely qualities and characteristics of my Sunday night date.

In no particular order

Unemployed
Unattractive
Doesn’t drink alcohol because it puts him to sleep
Only thing in his realm of interest was rock bands (something I know nada about)
Last 3 girlfriends were manic depressive/bi polar….does that make it his last 6???
Asked if I was on any mental illness medication
Asked how I felt about marijuana?
Germaphobic – and living in one of the dirtiest cites in the US
When the check came he gave me a story about having lost his ATM card that day.
When I put in my share I saw him getting quarters out of his wallet. I offered to take care of the whole $7 bill.
When I told him I was taking a cab home…instead of offering me fair…he offered to walk me to the bus stop instead. And criticised me for taking a cab home even though I was by myself at 10:30pm.

I hailed a cab. Told the sweet cabbie the whole story. And e-mail my date a nice little note the next day.

Dear Loser,

So glad I had the opportunity to meet you last night. I do not think you are what I am looking for right now.

Take Care.

Your girl,

Lucky to get out of this one

He wouldn't have liked me long term anyway. Since I am not bi polar, dont own hand sanitizer, walk around the city in high heels, and oh wait have to go to a job everyday. Bummer. :-)

Your girl,

Really Lucky